Kansas City Bastards

The WBOD – Michael Jeffries

by on May.19, 2013, under Blogs, Epic Douchebaggery, Other Magnificent Bastards

I don’t even know where to start with this asshole. I mean, granted, this whole thing has been blown out all over the media, but that doesn’t mean I can’t my two cents in. After all, I’m the last guy on earth who would pass on pointing out the pot calling the kettle black

So Jeffries is the CEO of Abercrombie AND Fitch, also known as a clothing line I won’t wear. I normally dress in blue jeans and a t-shirt with some band on it, or a sports jersey, or whatever. Hell, I still rock the same pair of Nikes I bought two years ago. I’m a simple casual kind of guy, and I don’t have the time or resources to shell out 60 bucks for a shirt with a logo on it.

6 bucks for a shirt with a bust of Bill Murray on it? Shit yeah. Truth be told, there is really no limit on what I would pay for Dr Venkman’s mug plastered on every stitch of clothing I own. It’s BILL MURRAY. Shut up and take my money. But A&F? Kiss my white blue collar ass. That’s the great thing about individuality – I don’t have to wear your shit to fit in if I don’t want to, and there isn’t anything you can do about it. And I don’t really care that you’re coming out and saying you’re marketing towards the “hip and cool” crowd. I am particularly pissed off that you say you’re selling clothes to the “attractive all american kid”. The fact that you look like what a prolapsed colon with hair would resemble just makes me shake my head at your blatant hypocrisy.

I mean, really?

CHUNK MAKE CLOTHES WITH GOONIE PALS

SLOTH MAKE CLOTHES WITH GOONIE PALS

I could go on and on about his looks, but that would defeat the purpose of this post. By failing to market your clothes to the XXL people of the world, you are simply missing out. Overweight people aren’t good enough to wear your clothes? I beg to differ. Do Kevin Smith, Gabriel Iglesias, John Pinette, and Kathy Bates not rate as cool enough for you? Hell, Steven Segal knows where the buffet table starts and he was cool right up until the movie he did with Kurt Russel.

Look, we know you had to deflect some of the criticism you received when you marketed underwear for 7 year old girls with “Eye Candy” on the back of them, but by telling the overweight people of the world that they aren’t wanted to wear your shitty clothes is not the way to do it. Take a glance at your humongous forehead and tell me BIG ISN’T BEAUTIFUL. You can go on and on about how you run your company however you want and that’s your right. But stating that just because a person doesn’t have a waistline slimmer than your cranium means they don’t belong in your clothes is kind of a dick move. I’m glad I don’t buy your clothes, and I ever saw you in the streets of Kansas City, I would simply cry out “dear GOD what is that THING” and avert my eyes, and convince as many people as I could to flee with me to safety.

You’re repulsive, your clothes don’t make people cooler, and if you need me, I’ll be hanging with my larger than life people. Oh, forgot to mention –

douchebag2

 


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