Kansas City Bastards

WBOD – Joe Buck

by on Nov.02, 2014, under Epic Douchebaggery, Other Magnificent Bastards

Eighty seven times. That’s not how many times a Kansas City Royals player went back to the dugout pissed off after facing Madison Bumgarner in the World Series, that’s how many times Joe Buck said Bumgarner’s name. In Game 7. Alone.¬†

I’m going to give Madison Bumgarner a shit ton of respect simply because outside of the obvious North Carolina native fist bump, the man was a god damn wrecking ball in the World Series. I have never seen and probably will never witness another performance like that ever again, but when it comes to Joe Buck, a quick search at any porn site will let you relive that moment over and over again. He verbally fellated that man ALL SERIES LONG. After his game 1 performance, Joe Buck was all about some MadBum. And in retrospect that last two sentences make complete sense.

Like everyone else who watched the entire series, I wish I could have done it with the volume muted and the close captioning turned off, that way I wouldn’t have to read Joe Buck talk about Bumgarner either. It was just ridiculous to listen to Buck fan boy out on the air. When Bumgarner was pitching, you could almost hear Buck’s pants tighten. When he wasn’t pitching that half inning, Buck talked about the current action but the second the camera did a shot of Bumgarner in the dugout, Buck would stop midway through his dialogue and make a Bumgarner reference. “2-1 count to Posey, who grounded out his last time at bat, and he’s hitting just .226 in the post season so… Madison Bumgarner waiting in the dugout… 61 pitches so far and 5 strikes outs… Back to Posey.. high and outside, Ball 3…” And when Bumgarner wasn’t even the STARTER Buck would comment how whoever was on the mound wasn’t pitching like Madison Bumgarner… Swell. Let’s just give Joe Buck MadBum clones and let him just squeal in the microphone for 4 hours.

And they wonder why ratings are down.

But seriously, Joe Buck said Bumgarner’s name¬†87 fucking times despite him only pitching 5 innings in game seven. Bumgarner appeared in 4 of them, so let’s just say he kept up that pace – Joe Buck said the words “Madison” and “Bumgarner” at LEAST 348 times. Let’s figure 3 hours for a ball game… that’s 12 hours. in 720 minutes of baseball, he said Bumgarner’s name every 30 seconds. I don’t even show that kind of devotion to my own wife, much less some tall lanky dude from backwoods North Cackalacky who can hit 93mph with his fastball.

I hope Joe Buck will be getting some much needed therapy during the baseball off season. Pitchers and Catchers report in March, and without some kind of program to help poor Joe, I’d really hate to be in the booth with him the first time MadBum takes the mound, for I picture a 5 month backlog of Madison Bumgarner’s to come flying out of his mouth so fast that Joe’s head may in fact, explode. I just don’t know if that will be a tragedy or a blessing. It’s not like anyone likes Joe Buck anyway.

So to Joe Buck, I present to you, this award, with class leading technology and stuff…


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