Kansas City Bastards

The all new Bag of Douche – Kerri Rivera

by on Mar.22, 2015, under About the Bastards

If you have ever wanted to strangle someone with their own spines before, please take heed. Kerri Rivera is curing autism, and she has a book about how you can help. And a facebook page. And it’s probably going to make you want to slap somebody. As I stated, Kerri Rivera is leading the charge against autism (just like every homepath) and has developed a top notch care system that is proven to just wash away that filthy autism from your child (naturally, of course) by simply using her CD solution on your defective children.

And by “CD solution” I mean “chlorine dioxide” and by chlorine dioxide I mean “a toxic chemical that OSHA has set exposure guidelines for” and by “using it on your kids” I mean “giving them an enema” and if you look at that sentence like a rational human being it simply reads “cure autism by shooting bleach up your kid’s ass.” Might I add that Rivera came up with this idea with Jim Humble, who is an ex scientologist, that wacky little cult started by Elron who famously devised a child care plan that involved giving a newborn baby honey. So to him, bleaching your kid’s insides seemed like an okay thing to do.

WHAT THE FUCK COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG THERE? As it be, quite a lot actually…

This whole thing was brought to my attention by my sister Jessica so I had to check it out. Sadly, I can’t access the page as it is a closed group. But the facebook ninjas are wiley, and they have provided screen shots of discussions going on. None of them good. And the responses are even worse.

A concerned parent wants to know why after 2 months, her daughter won’t stop vomiting. What should she do? Answer – tone down the dosage but do it more. Another parent wants to know why their son won’t stop crying and is “passing worms”. Answer – it’s probably full moon related. Another parent proudly posts a snapshot of a “rope worm” that her child just passed and everyone applauds her, until you actually compare that to a real rope worm and get the sneaking suspicion that someone’s child now has a damaged digestive tract. There are just some many more of these examples and the responses just make you want to throw a backhoe at these people. “do it more! do it more! you’re doing great! shitting blood is completely normal!”  That last part is completely true, because I eat Taco Bell a lot.

Of course with negative publicity comes the auto defense mechanism, and Rivera has had plenty of time to polish up her internet ninjutsu.  The most obvious was the many many pleas to her adoring public for good Amazon book reviews but the most damning was when her CD Autism page restricted the posting of any personal information and pictures of children because, you know, the best way to not get caught chemically abusing your children is to not let the cops know where to find you.  That sounds like something every completely legal and sane way of treating yourself should go – DON’T TELL ANYONE WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND GET RID OF EVERYBODY YOU CAN’T TRUST. There was a reason Ted Bundy’s actions were called “murder” and not “population control”.

On top of that, Rivera herself has come out and stated that we don’t understand her work, and we need to look at it from a professional point of view. She also wanted to clear up a little something something about her “protocol” – just because she advocates the use of chlorine dioxide in her enemas she is not saying that anyone should use Clorox bleach in her enemas because while chlorine dioxide is used in bleaching, water treatment, and fumigants, is labeled a corrosive and will kill you with just 292 mg – it’s not Clorox bleach and therefore, do not put clorox in your kid’s ass. I don’t know why the fuck that had to be said, but yeah, her target audience is so god damn stupid she had to put out a memo saying exactly what kind of bleach you should correctly poison your kids with –

 FACT:  The CD Autism Protocol involves changes in diet along with detoxification through very controlled use of Chlorine Dioxide in very small (non-bleaching) doses to help improve the overall health of those on the protocol.  It may also involve mebendazole, combantrin and possibly other parasitic medications that often require a prescription along with monitoring by a doctor. The CD Autism Protocol DOES NOT use Clorox Bleach in any way whatsoever.  This is an incredible example of media distortion and lying.  It is also dangerous in that someone might think using Clorox Bleach for autism is ok.  It is NOT!

for the interested, mebendazole and combantrin are both parasitic medications and one of them is given as a tablet in the ass. I’m starting to see a pattern here. She also wants you to use “ocean water” because of it’s purity… but don’t eat shellfish.  Meanwhile, the posts about kids continuing to vomit, the parents wondering why their child’s skin in turning yellow (hint – it’s jaundice) and people who think that enemas will cure everything from bad moods to AIDS still post there. Look, I’m not a doctor, but if you honestly think that there is a way to cure autism right this very second, you’re wrong, and if you think the way to make them better is to starve them, inject them, and force bleach into their intestines, then you are a god damn idiot and you should have your kids (and your ability to make more of them) taken away from you. And if you are Kerri Rivera, and you are saying this is THE WAY to “treat the symptoms”  is by torturing children under the guise of homeopathic treatment, then I think you should be forced to attend the funeral of every death that occurs from this bullshit advice, and before they throw your ass in jail, you should be able to pinpoint just exactly why their child is dead, and how they could have prevented it. I mean, that’s what you’re licensed to do, right? Oh wait, you’re not. You’re just a regular person who wrote a book with a disastrous “cure all”  regimen that regular people bought and used it to harm their offspring. But that’s okay, because you’re making money off your books, hardy har har.

Of course, anyone who thinks autism is caused by parasites deserves as many kicks to the ass as humanly possible.

Kerri, put this in your ass, and tell me if you feel better later.


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